Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm getting married today!

I realize it's been like 20 something days since I last wrote, but things have been a bit hectic in my house of late. As I stated,in about 3 hours I'll be getting married down at the courthouse.

We were going to wait until he got back, but decided if we were going to do it already we wanted to do it now. Even amongst blow ups on how I don't sweep the floor the "right way" (the military way), how I'm not perfect (although I insist I AM), and the normal silly arguments,they never last long, and more importantly I usually win. He's a sucker for the blue eyes.

The girls are excited as can be. I'm not sure how his family feels, but they're all really nice and normal. That may be why I worry about being accepted into his family. Normal is one thing I'm not.

He leaves in fourteen days. Time has flown by too quickly.

This isn't much of a post, but I just thought I'd let you all know.

Peace out

Monday, December 1, 2008

I love decorating for Christmas, so why did I have a panic attack you ask?

Yesterday we decided to decorate for Christmas. We drove over to our storage building and pulled all the stuff out. My PRECIOUS. I have the same feeling about my Christmas decor and ornaments as gollum did about his precious. It's my priceless stuff I've been saving for years. It holds so many memories and home made decorations that are fragile.

Jim and I pulled out the Christmas tree and started to put it up (yes I have an artificial tree, suck it if you don't like it). The girls SWARMED on us. They wanted to help assemble the tree (which isn't hard, it's pre lit with three levels). So, after completion of assembling the tree it was time for the decorations. Here's where it gets to the panic part.

As I was carefully unwrapping my precious from the boundless bubble wrap and newspaper they started just grabbing my precious after I told them i would hand them out. They were like vultures. I could feel the anxiety creeping in on me. I said calmly, "girls this is very fragile stuff, if you break it I will break one of your pinkies". They laughed at me. What they didn't get was that I was SERIOUS. Not really, but you get the point.

We now have a lovely decorated home and we got to keep Jess an extra week. Her mom and stepdad went to Mexico for the week. We finally talked them into letting her just stay with us rather than her stepdads' mom. Jim's a happy camper now.

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. We did ;p

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Look mom, it's the black guy! Things my children say to embaress me.

It's been a long few days since I posted, but it gave me something to write about (surprised? me too).

Jess arrived on Friday. I went to pick her up 40 miles away. Her mother asked me how it was going to be with Jim gone. I simply said "quieter". Apparently, Jess has repeatedly told her mom that she wants to live with us. I don't think it sits well with her. I told her I hope Jess can come at least once a weekend while Jim is gone because they have grown to love each other. Her mom said, "I don't know, we'll see. Maybe once in a while". Ugh. See, the thing is I've really grown to love this child like she's my own. Is that wrong? She wrote a note that said, "I love you dad, I love you larel". I cried it was so sweet to see this beautiful little girl come alive. She used to want to play on the computer the entire time she was at our house. She hasn't even asked to play on it the last three or four times she's been here.

Anyway, we took the girls to the imax to see the Polar Express in 3-D. Jim and I thought they'd be SOOOO excited. We got owned. They were pissed because they wanted to see the whales and dolphins movie that was playing. So I say to Jim, "why can't they just say thanks? I mean seriously?". They ended up loving it in the end and said it got them in the mode for Christmas. They actually said mode and not mood. The thing is, it was so f*cking hot in there Jim and I both were falling asleep the entire time. It had to be 90 degrees in there. We left sweating to walk the girls down to the pier at the waterfront where Jim and I first met. It was fun.

Next day we had a fire to roast hot dogs and marshmallows on them with Lula and her family. Yes, Lula is still alive and well and crazy as ever. It's always nice having a best friend next door who understands that I'm not around as much because I'm spending time with Jim. She gets it and I appreciate that. Anyway, my sis Deeds has this friend Twan. He's hung out with us a few times and he's really funny. The girls thinks he's funny too. So Deeds, Danny (her boyfriend), and Twan pull up while we're sitting around the fire. Mad, being the honest to the point of annoyance points at Twan and says "hey, the black guy is here". Yup, she went there. I laughed and said "what's up big black man"? He just laughed, he's cool like that.

Thing is, I talk to my kids all the time about equality. Maybe too much I guess. Mad asked me what gay was because some kids were calling a little boy gay at school. She's in second grade people. I told her it was when a boy loves another boy or a girl loves another girl. She said like you love Jim? I said yes, that's how they're born and there is nothing different between the way they love and Jim and I love each other. I told them not to treat people different no matter what other people around you say. Thing is, she gets it. My best gay Jason comes around and she asked him one day if he was my gay friend. He looked like he was going to have a coronary. He just said yes. She looked at him and said "cool" and gave him a hug. You know how she is about being cool, so to her, being gay is "cool". I just think it's fabulous.

God, this is getting long. It's like after having writers block I now have verbal or typing diarrhea.

Today Jim is taking Jess back only to get her back tomorrow. So, he'll be staying with his parents and I'll get down there tomorrow night or Thursday. Let's face it, probably Thursday morning. I have alot on DVR that I need to catch up on. This is my first Thanksgiving away from my parents. I told my mom she better save me some sweet potato biscuits or I was going to disown her.

That's all for now. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I'm truly thankful that I've met all five of you who read my blog. I'm even more thankful for the ones who leave comments. Yes, I do love you more if you comment. Because that's how I roll ;p

I hope everyone eats there way into a turkey induced coma (unless you're a vegetarian than a tofurkey induced coma). I know I will be :)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's all about meme

I think everyone knows that Grandma J at: was my inspiration to start blogging. She had a one answer meme on her blog so I stole it. Yes, this means I have nothing new to offer. But, what after Laura at: went through, I'll take mundane.

Where is your cell phone - two inches from my right hand

Your hair color - only god knows at this point. My color is wearing off but I usually keep it a light auburn.

Your mother - is at work at hospice. She's an angel.

Favorite thing - staying home ALONE on a cold rainy day in my sweats and blanket with a good book

Your dream last night - hot, steamy sex with Harrison Ford

Your dream goal - to have hot, steamy sex with Harrison Ford

The room you're in - my office. ugh

Your hobby - reality tv. I know it's terrible but I can't help it.

Your fear - losing Jim

Where do you want to be in 6 years - finished with college teaching in an elementary school

Where were you last night - in jail for attempted murder with a screwdriver

What you're not - skinny. damn you skinny bitches

One of your wish list items - the anne of green gables set of dvds

Where you grew up - upstate new york

The last thing you did - typed the above line

What are you wearing - nothing, today is nude day at work

Your TV- flat

Your pet- a short tail minx named jojo who is OBSESSED with eating.

Your computer -Hewlett Packard

Your mood - cranky

Missing someone - Marjorie (although I'm having lunch with her and two friends today...on the clock)

Your car - focus

Something you're not wearing - underpants...kidding

Favorite shop - target

Your summer - too short

Love someone - yes

Favorite color - green

When you last laughed - today

When you last cried - today

I know I used too many words for it to be one word but I'm a rule breaker. I'm a wild child. It's how I roll.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I can't help it, I'm extremely addicted...

to CHRISTMAS! Jim and I have been spring cleaning in the winter. I've wanted to punch him in the face only 6 times which is not bad considering we've been cleaning, organizing, putting up new blinds and hooks everywhere...TOGETHER.

Have you ever seen Mine, Yours, and Ours? That's us. I'm free spirited and he's all military. Everything has to be ship shape! Staying up until 10:30 pm (last night!) is not my idea of fun. We've been going on doing this for eight days straight. I'M TIRED.

All this does have a point. We're making room for my Christmas decorations. I hoard them. At least they're in a storage building. My main obsession: snowmen. I can't get enough of them. When I go to unpack them I'll have to photo them and show you what I'm talking about. But, I still need more. I really neeeeeed them. It's truly sick.

I see that my comments have taken a downward spiral. That makes me grumpy too. Where did all my people go? I know I've been depressing but dayum! All you bloggers know you love comments. I do too.

Anyhoo, tonight I'm going to try not to punch Jim in the face. That's my main focus (other than cleaning and taking care of children). If he starts getting bossy on how to "properly" use a hammer to get a screw started I'll tell him where to stick that hammer with a smile on my face ;)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Do you ever feel like you're in an episode of Charlie Brown?

I don't know if it's because of all the preparation that goes into getting a person ready to go to war, but I have zero attention span to anything else. Other than Jim and my three girls I hear basically nothing. With seven weeks to go I can't think. Everyone that talks to me sounds like the teacher in Charlie Brown. Wah wah wah wah wah wah.

Sunday we had an all out fabulous day. We went to the zoo, then the creative discovery museum, then to TGIFridays, and then the aquarium. The girls had so much fun. They're thick as thieves now. It was so nice to walk around holding hands with Jim watching the girls have the time of their lives. Jess told us at lunch she wants to live with us. I think that made Jims' year. It made me happy too, she also told me she loved me for the first time.

I know I'm not being hilarious or telling great stories like the people to my right do, but I'm in a tunnel. All I see is him leaving. I'm trying to enjoy every second until then. We're actually going to go stay at the Chattanooga Choo Choo for two nights in one of the train cars this weekend. No kids, just us. We don't get alot of that. We'll just act like tourists on vacation and enjoy ourselves.

I hope all is well with all of you. Much love

Friday, November 7, 2008

Apparently I had a guest poster...

Jim wrote me a sweet note below while I was sleeping last night. I have the computer remember all my passwords so I guess that's how he got on. I thought it was sweet :)
My Love,

I love you more and more with each passing day,

I hope that you will continue to grow and grow,

and remember that when life gets you down,

to just smile that winning smile

and remember how much I love you.

And tonight, and every night from now on

When you tuck our Daughters into bed,

Give them a kiss, and a special hug,

and remind them how much

that Daddy loves them !

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

What happened to the land of the free and home to gays?

WTF happened in Ca, Fl, AK last night?

California and Florida said no to gay marriage. Arkansas said no to same sex couples adopting. Again...WTF?

As gleeful as I am knowing Obama is our president elect I have to reflect on the fact that it's a good day for the general population, and a bad day for civil rights. What's going to happen next? Are we going to have water fountains with signs that say "homosexual" and "heterosexual" over them? Are we going to have gay and straight buses? I'll take the gay bus, I'm sure it would be much more fabulous ;p

Mad wanted to watch the results coverage. I told her it was going to be a long night and just go watch I-Carly. She looked at me like I was insane. She said, " mama what is more important, cartoons or this election?". My child she is.

I have lots on my mind today, I will have to continue later.

Regardless of who you voted for it's time for us to come together as a country and work as one. I hope laws will change to where every human being on this planet will be treated equally.

Update 3:46pm eastern time:

"Roughly 400,000 votes separate yes from no on Prop 8 – out of 10 million votes tallied.
Based on turnout estimates reported yesterday, we expect that there are more than 3 million and possibly as many as 4 million absentee and provisional ballots yet to be counted.

Given that fundamental rights are at stake, we must wait to hear from the Secretary of State tomorrow how many votes are yet to be counted as well as where they are from.

It is clearly a very close election and we monitored the results all evening and this morning.
As of this point, the election is too close to call.

Because Prop 8 involves the sensitive matter of individual rights, we believe it is important to wait until we receive further information about the outcome.

Geoff KorsExecutive Committee NO on Prop 8

Kate KendellExecutive CommitteeNO on Prop 8"

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Go vote or shut the f@&( up for the next four years!

I've been off doing some work with the local Obama campaign. Sorry I've not been around. I'm not going to sit here and tell you who to vote for. That would be stupid of me. On the other hand, since I apparently do stoopid things on a regular basis, please vote for:
Barack OBAMA!

Ever since the first time I ever voted (for Al Gore) I've felt a sense of despondency when it comes to elections. I felt like I didn't count that year. That many of us didn't count. I often wonder how would things be different now?

This year my hope has returned. I may be blind, but this year I truly believe we have the right man to do the job. He has a hell of a job in front of him. One.Hell.Of.A.Job.

Anyway, I fractured my ankle last weekend floating like a swan (walking from my house to my sister's back door) and ended up falling over a log. I even ate pavement. It was awesome. My doctor thinks I have serious issues. I insist I'm graceful and he knows I'm not. Evidenced by when I fell off that stupid examination table. I hate when the paper gets stuck to my ass. So, yes I have some Lortab (thank God for that stuff) in my system and I'm great.

Anyway, today is Green Life Tuesday with Marjorie! YAY!!!!!!! We may have to go have a drink (on the clock) to celebrate today. I may be the bad older sister and talk her into going to T-Bones (with a bar) and have drinks with lunch.

Confession: I'm obsessed with "Womanizer" by Brit Brit Spears. I can't get it out of mah head. What shall I do?

Confession: I wrapped my ankle too tight with an ace bandage and now have a bruise and a blister to thank me for it.

Confession: I wanted to tell everyone to vote for Obama while I was waiting in line. Correction: I wanted to scream it.

Confession: I really don't dislike anyone who thinks differently than I do when it comes to politics. Unless they're those vote yes on prop8 people. I don't like them very much. Seriously, that is what this country is all about. Being able to vote for who we want.

Confession: I'm addicted to the show "Heroes". Sci-fi at its' best. Last night the SNL Presidential blast was on so I watched that instead. I <3 Tina Fey!

Happy Election Day!

We went to the Southern Star and had soup and half - sandwhiches with some good ole' bud light. Cheers to todays' victory

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Values - I got tagged from The Jason Show :)

Six things I value:
  1. My family. From the closest - Jim and my girls all the way to my parents, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, you get the point. I love having a day surrounded by my family. It makes me happy (until they start getting on my nerves :)

  2. My friends. I don't have many, but the ones I have I've had for a while. It's not easy being my friend. Sometimes I'm a bit reclusive and I forget to call people. Them sticking by me means alot to me.

  3. Freedom. I'm grateful that I have freedom of speech. I'm grateful for freedom of choice. I'm looking forward to more states giving EVERYONE the right to marry the person they love. I am looking forward to this country becoming a better place to live.

  4. My job. I'm looking forward to going back to school soon. Once I can afford it. I don't make a sh*t load of money. We barely get by. But, we are getting by and alot of people aren't. That is something I'm thankful for.

  5. I value (I share this with Jason) time alone. Don't get me wrong, I love being with Jim and the girls, but everyone needs some quiet time. At least every six months right? One day to be selfish. To sleep in as late as I want, to curl up and read a good book, or maybe watch a good movie. I don't have many of those days, but I vaguely remember what they're like.

  6. I value the time I have left with Jim. 18 months is a damn long time. I will cherish each nano second from now till then.

Six things I don't value:

  1. I certainly don't value ignorant, bigoted, rude "people". I can't stand the people with the ugly bumper stickers like man +woman=marriage. That just makes me want to rear end you. How is that good? I can't stand the people that says Women don't have the right to make decisions over their own body. It makes me furious when people think torture is "ok". The list could go on forever. You catch my drift (Sarah Palin).

  2. I don't value the parents who don't take care of their kids. Mad asked if she could trick or treat with a friend. She said I won't even have to wear my costume, we're just going to put on short skirts, tank tops, and heels! Really, are you going to srsly dress your kid up as a hooker just so they think you're "cool"? Mad is 8, she thinks I'm cool because I can talk like a valley girl and I like project runway. I'm not going to let her dictate how she dresses (if it's not tasteful) just to be cool. Also, the ones that let their kids wander the neighborhood. I live in a nice neighborhood, but I don't let my kids outside without me. I know where the registered sex offenders live. I know they're out there. I could go on, but once again you catch my drift.

  3. I don't value bad drivers AT ALL. If you want to drive 20 miles under the speed limit, just pull over and let us get by damn it! Please, if you're going to make a turn, put on your BLINKER. I hate slamming on my brakes because you don't brake till the last second and then squeal your car into that turn. If you can't stay in your lane, don't drive. Again, you get what I'm saying.

  4. I don't value spam. I hate coming and opening my inbox after the weekend and having 498 spam messages. That's just the ones in my spam box. I have an additional 200 in my inbox. If I want to buy some sex toys, I'll just google it, okay?

  5. I don't value having to do other peoples' job. I wouldn't mind it if you said thanks, but I find this rarely happens.

  6. I don't value the grocery bagger at the grocery store putting meat in with my vegetables. I now do my own bagging, so back away from the produce!

Thanks to the fantastic Jason at The Jason Show for tagging me. I now have to tag six others.

The chosen ones are (I hope they actually read my blog to see this).

My friend at Ex-Everything

Laura at Piece of Cake

Kellan at On the Upside

Biddy at Biddy's World

Lula at Insane ramblings of Lula

Linda at Wit's end

Update: I screwed up the links, but they are all to the right of the screen. Sorry, I'm used to myspazz linkage and can't figure out how to do it properly here (with just the name linking to the site).

Sorry I'm stoopid :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

82 days until my hero leaves...let me take the time to introduce you

This is Jim. My GI Joe. My all American hero. The one I've been waiting for since I was a little girl. We met a little over a year ago. He was last years birthday present. See how he's so cool he can cover he has two sets of eyes? You never would have known. He's become a dad to my two girls and gifted us with his daughter. We've become a real family. Now I have to face the fact he's leaving for a year and a half. Just when I found him.

That's Em loving up Jim at the Aquarium. You can see how much she loves this guy. She likes to tackle him. He loves football and let's face it, she could be a tackler (I don't know what that position is, I'm still being educated on football). He's stern but gentle. Always telling jokes with her.

That's Jim and Mad. Mad was crying one night because she was frustrated with some new math. Jim told me to step off and let him handle it. He pretended to not know how to do 2nd grade math to make her feel better and laugh. He then got her to show him how it's done, thus helping her with her homework. He insists they have popcorn everynight before they go to bed with their movie, even though I thought it was absurd.

Then, we of course have Jessie. I've never seen the love and devotion from a dad that Jim has for her. He calls her every night. He sees her as much, as often, and for as long as he can. She's the carbon copy of her dad. You can tell she thinks he's the funniest person in the world. You can also see he's her hero. I love to watch them walking hand in hand. Bonded forever.

Em is Ginger Spice (I've come up with one for all)

Mad is Posh Spice.

Jess is Sporty Spice.

One of the many reasons I love Jim is because I can go out of the house with no makeup on. Thank God he's Scottish and is red faced too. But look >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
how does one face shine so terribly? After seeing this I decided to start with the foundation again. He can look at that >> and still love me and want to jump my bones all the time lol.

Anyway, thanks for all the well wishes. I have some funny stories but I feel bad cussing with alot of pics of my kids.

Peace and love to all my friends!

P.S. happy birthday Mad :) Now you're 8 and I'm old.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

8 days...

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. It's been kinda crazazy.

I found out last week that GI Joe is leaving for Afghanistan for 18 months. That's a fracking year and a half. He's also leaving on January 5th. On top of that his company is replacing the one out of NY that has had the most casualties in Afghanistan. Not only does he only have less than 90 days before he leaves, he still has to spend about 30 of those training. For example: he's leaving on Friday for 16 days. He'll be gone during his 40th birthday (yes, he's 10 years older than me). Now we can't even do the black cake. It wouldn't be as funny. Maybe my friend Laura : can come up with a good idea. She is a cake GENIUS. I'm a good cook, but my guy is better and gets annoyed when I try to help (tell him how to do it that is).

I've known that he was leaving. I just didn't know it would be this soon or for this long. I asked him last night if there was something I could wear of his every day while he was gone. He suggested his underwear. I suggested a pin or something. He said I could wear his sabers that go on his cavalry stetson.

I know I'm rambling. It's alot to take in.

We had a really good weekend. I'll be back tonight (hopefully unless I die from pilates) to post some pics of my family at the Zoo, Aquarium, and TGIFridays. I know you're dying to see the exciting pics so I'll do my best to get them up tonight.

We're living each day the best we can. I've even relinquished the tv privileges to him. Because I'm awesome like that.

Peace out peeps,

Monday, October 6, 2008


Saturday was alot of fun. We all laughed and drank around a fire (yes, I went there).

Sunday was not so great. I still can't stop crying so I'm not going to talk about it now. Just say a prayer for my family. Gi Joe got home from drill last night to deliver the bad news. Say a big prayer for him.

That's all I can do right now. The tears although cathartic, won't stop and yes, I'm at work :(

Friday, October 3, 2008

Golly Gee Willickers

Palin talks like a genuine member of the Flanders family. Dontcha know? We played Palin bingo last night. It was fun. She scares me less every time I hear her speak. She comes off as this sweet hockey mom. She really is someone who decided to remain friends with someone who made the "choice" to be gay. Isn't that sooooo sweet of her? She rides in helicopters with automatic rifles to shoot wolves. Isn't that nice? She believes Roe vs. Wade should be overturned. Make you warm and fuzzy? She didn't know what Brown vs The Board of Education was. Make you excited?

Me Neither.

Anyway, sorry about the rant. I.CAN'T.HELP.IT.

Today two of my girls go to visit their dad and grandmother in NC. I'm not looking forward to that. That's all I have to say about that.

Let's get to the good part. I turn 30 on Sunday. GI Joe has drill this weekend so I'll have the house ALL TO MYSELF! PARTAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lula, Marjorie, Peter, Heather, Deeds, and I don't know who else are going over for a slumber party. We will have cosmos and wine and laugh until we pass out. All please say your prayers for me in advance for Sunday morning.

I've really enjoyed getting to know my fellow bloggers. If you look to the right, you'll see who I follow. They're all great and I get a laugh during my morning check in on them.

I hope you all have a great weekend. By golly, I know I sure will :)


Thursday, October 2, 2008

I <3 David Letterman

Last night, the awesome late night talk show host rattled off the “Top Ten Things Overheard at Sarah Palin’s Debate Camp”.

10 — “Let’s practice your bewildered silence”

9 — “Can you try saying ‘Yes’ instead of ‘You betcha’?”

8 –” Hey, I can see Mexico from here!”

7 — “Maybe we’ll get lucky and there won’t be any questions about Iraq, taxes, or health care”

6 — “We’re screwed!”

5 — “Can I just use that lipstick-pit bull thing again?”

4 — “We have to wrap it up for the day — McCain eats dinner at 4:30″

3 — “Can we get Congress to bail us out of this debate?”

2 — “John Edwards wants to know if you’d like some private tutoring in his van”

1 — “Any way we can just get Tina Fey to do it?”

HAHA! I can't wait for the debates tonight!

Peace out,

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


I don't have much going on today, buttttt I'll bore you with it anyway. For all of YOU bubble butts who are obviously rubbing it in that I have a pancake ass, well never mind. I love the fact people actually come by. Let's face it. I'm desperate. You can call me anything you want as long as you come by (I'm pathetic and not ashamed).

I'm going to do my first class of Pilate's today. We'll see how long it takes me to bust one of those cords and have the end smack me in the face.

I can't wait for tomorrow. The debate that will fill my heart full of laughter (at least that's what I'm expecting).

I think I'll send a shout out to: because she's really funny and had a bad day. She also has a bubble butt. UNLIKE ME.

GI Joe has done his duty and told me my butt looks rounder since I've been working out. He's lying and I know it. Butt he has to do it right?

Peace out peeps,
Laurel (aka pancake ass)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I like big butts...

Somehow the size of peoples' butts came up in the kitchen last night. I have a straight up flat butt. Seriously God overlooked that part when making me. Fortunately, everyone in my house has a nice bubble butt.

Mad told GI Joe he had a big butt. He said "thank you Mad". She said, "I have a squishy butt because I poked a hole in my cheeks and filled them full of orange goo". SRSLY. Where did she come up with that? Then Em said that she did the same but used her bellybutton to make her tummy fluffy. Oy Vey.

We are having serious tv problems in my house. GI Joe watches the crappiest stuff like football, racing, gold prospecting, the outdoor channel. He sounds like a redneck, but he's only redneck in his entertainment choices. Which I DON'T GET. I wanted to watch the AWESOME "Heroes" last night so I went in the bedroom to watch it. Apparently that made me antisocial. But really, why do I want to watch a sport (football) which I know NOTHING about while he's not even talking (except about the game and I DONT GET IT).

So, tonight I'm taking over the tv and watching my shows that are in the dvr. I'm putting my foot down.

Btw, I took a spinning class yesterday and could barely walk afterwards. I didn't know it could be that hard! The trainer is Harvey, and he is BIG. He said "one rule, NO WHINING". He obviously didn't know what I do for a living. Throughout the whole class I was watching a Pilate's class through the window and thinking I was a total dumbass. I could be stretching with those ropes rather than riding "up a f'n mountain" on this bike!

Oh well. Today is Circuit training with Harvey. I don't know to stick to my elliptical or to be tortured by Harvey today. Decisions, decisions.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with Marjorie at Green Life, yay! I'm seriously addicted to that place. It's sooooo yummy and HEALTHY. My fat (but flat) butt needs healthy food.

Monday, September 29, 2008


We all packed up and went to see GI Joes' family. We had a good time...despite we were TWO hours late. Ugh, I hate to be late. By the time we got there, they were packing up and leaving. We did go to his parents house and spend time with them and his sister who is visiting from Florida.

Saturday we had alot of fun. I took the girls and met my mom, Marjorie, and my two nephews for some fun. We went to Buddy Bears' Playhouse which is just a building full of inflatable jumping things. It also has games to earn tickets for crap toys that of course the kids love.

After a long day of playing we tucked all the kids in so me and my guy went out to sit and laugh with neighbors. We sat around with lula, her hubbie, my sis Deeds, and her guy. We laughed and talked until about 3 in the morning. That may have contributed why we were late on Sunday.

GI Joe had a bad sports weekend. Georgia lost to Alabama, the Falcons lost, and Jimmie Johnson won the race. Note: I'm not into any of these sports which is why I should be fiance' of the year for sitting through them. For him.

McCane is an idiot, Palin is a straight up dumbass. They TERRIFY me.

BTW, if any of you are in California, be sure to vote NO to Proposition 8 which would amend the California Constitution to remove the legal ability of same-sex couples to marry. A new section would be added stating "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California".

Peace out,

Friday, September 26, 2008

The great Sarah Palin everyone...


That's all I have to say

Isn't this funny...

John McCain spent much of this week saying he wouldn't attend tonight's debate with Barack Obama, and it wasn't until this morning that the Republican candidate confirmed he would participate.

That indecision and stunt playing did nothing, however, to quell his campaign's confidence their candidate would trample Obama, because they've already prepared an ad declaring "McCain Wins Debate." It accidentally ran on the Wall Street Journal's website this morning, before McCain said he would be there tonight.

As for McCain's odds tonight - well, let's just say I wouldn't bet on him.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'm tired...

Ok, I've lost six pounds in the last three weeks...YAY! On the other hand, I'm exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for two weeks straight. Lula thinks I'm over doing it. She may be right (but don't tell her I said that).

The girls go to visit their dad and grandmother in NC next Friday for a week. I plan on catching up on my sleep then. Oh WAIT, Oct 5th is my 30th birthday. Ugh, I may hibernate through it. Marjorie says we're going out, I just can't repeat last year. I would tell you but then I would be embarrassed for life (it only involves falling in my gay bff Peters' bathtub). I never said that.

In other news, apparently even though McSame thought that the fundamentals of our economy were secure just a few days ago, he's now dropping out of tomorrows' debate to go to DC to fix the problem. I can't rant today, I'm out of extra strength Valium and they look down on drinking at work.

Mad has informed me that she broke up with her boyfriend Dylan and she now has TWO new ones. Mad will be eight on the 15th of Oct. What am I going to do with this kid? I'm at a loss. I keep telling her boys aren't important right now, that she should focus on school. But then she quickly tells me that I'm not COOL. Like I said, I'm out of Valium (I never had any but if anyone would like to donate to my cause I'm open to it :)

Em is doing better with focusing in class. I've noticed she just looks at me often to see if she is doing her work right. When she is reading, she'll look at me and I'll tell her she's doing great. Just look at your book and if you have trouble with one I'll help you out on it. That seems to be helping some. Em wants to go back to see Mama Mia, she is still dancing around the house singing "Dancing Queen". I love Abba, and it's a good thing (thanks Martha)


Monday, September 22, 2008

I may be a bad mom...

Yesterday was a looooooong day. Mad, Em, and I went and had lunch with my parents, one of my nephews, and one of my brothers. We had to kind of rush because we had a 1:55 appt at the movies.

I took my 6 and 7 year old girls to see Mamma Mia. Is that bad? See the thing is, we are all musical fanatics. Everyone of their favorite movies is a musical, and I LOVE ABBA.

It turned out GREAT! The movie wasn't the greatest I've seen, but I loved seeing the girls dancing in the aisles to Dancing Queen. They also had the lyrics to the music at the bottom of the screen so they both were singing and dancing throughout the movie.

We laughed and sang and danced. True girl fun.

GI Joe was visiting his brother playing some golf (they ended up playing 36 holes). I'm glad he gets to spend time with his family before he leaves. I truly love this man, he gives me new reasons to every day. He brought me back a bumper sticker, it says: McSame/Failin 2008

I love it!

Peace out peeps, I'll try to update more later :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Ten things I hate about....

Ten Things I Hate About You Sarah Palin

10. You have a newborn baby with Down’s syndrome but still think you will have time to be a quality mom as you run for office. Either the U.S. electorate or your child is going to suffer in that situation, and I hope it is not your child.*

9. You’ve been mayor of a town of 5,000 and governor of the state of Alaska (pop. 670,000) and think you are qualified to be VP. According to the U.S. population clock, we are currently at 305, 098, 874 so you have governed 0.2% of the US population.

8. The sum total of your 'foreign policy' experience is ordering 'Kung Pao' chicken at the Canton House in Juneau.

7. Your daughter will be a teen mom and you have the insensitivity to parade the girl and her ‘deer in the headlights’ boyfriend on the National stage.

6. Your sum total of education is a BS in journalism. (Hello? I'm thinking some graduate work in law or political science or economics might be in order...)

5. You are anti-abortion, anti-choice. 'nuff said.

4. You call yourself a ‘fiscal conservative’ and campaigned against earmarks but you lobbied for 26.9 million in earmarks for Wasilla. (Please see point 9. Total Wasilla population=5,000. I'm no math whiz but that's per capita spending of $5380).

3. Drill, Baby, Drill. That is just wrong and a short term Band-Aid to the energy crisis.

2. You want to ban books from your local library and tried to fire the librarian for not following your directives.

1. You do not know what the VP does. (You're fuckin' kidding me, right?)

I got this from one of my favorite blogs:

*I'm going to add that she doesn't even know what the Bush doctrine is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's another reason

I agree with every point. Just because she's pretty (that's what they say anyway) and can see Russia from the Governor's' mansion doesn't mean she can run the country. Guess what, McCane is 72 and will be the oldest f'ing person in office EVER! That means this dumbass Palin will probably end up running OUR COUNTRY! I know people say that I'm not being feminist because I don't think she should run with the problems she has in her personal life. It's just that as a mom, I wouldn't want a nanny raising my DS child. I would do everything I could to give him a normal upbringing and know that I'm always there for him. People can hate if they want, but opinions are like...well you know. Every one has one.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Yesterday I got some interesting news from my SEVEN year old Mad.

For a bit of back story:

I went from work to the gym yesterday (I had the forethought to bring a change of clothes). My favorite elliptical wasn't open, so I decided to be daring and try out a treadmill. I won't be doing that again. It's not fun and I feel like at any second I'm going to be thrown off. I also think that at any time my foot will hit the side instead of the belt and I'll fall off. Yes, I'm graceful like that. Anyway, my machine opened up and I hopped on that.

When I got home sweaty and stinky, Mad came up to me and told me I stunk. I said really? Will you smell my other armpit and see if it stinks too or is it just the one that stinks? Yes, I'm a weird mom like that. I like to torture my children for sh*ts and giggles. She did it and then pretended like she was gagging. In the course of this I noticed she had a cute little ring on her finger I hadn't noticed before.

I said, "Mad who gave you that ring?". She replied that her BOYFRIEND had given it to her. I asked her what boyfriend and why hadn't she told me before? She looked me straight in the eyes and told me she was waiting to tell me when I was sweaty and stunk like a dirty foot. Yes, she went there on me. I then proceeded to drag her in the kitchen to show GI Joe. After we prodded her about this new BOYFRIEND, GI Joe said quite simply: he won't be in school tomorrow. She said "why not?". He said because I'm going to find him and interview him. She said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

At this point we were trying to stifle the laughs (and not doing that good at it). She was freaking out thinking he was going to show up at her school in his military uniform with his m-16 to interrogate her new boyfriend. Well, we decided the jig was up and told her to chillax, we'd wait until a school party and discreetly do it :)

Kids are so funny.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I am sore today

Yes, this is my enemy. It's also my best friend. I'm now up to four miles in an hour. That may not be the best, but it's good for me. I worked out FIVE days last week! Hooray!

Yesterday I decided to only do 45 minutes and then go do the weight machines concentrating on my back and arms. That is where I'm sore today. It's somewhat difficult to raise my arms above my head, or move them at all really.

Saturday started out disappointing, but turned out great. I took the three girls to the pool. Guess what, they were closing early! The HORROR! Well, we cleaned at re-filled the two-footer we have at home. We played outside and just spent time together.

I found out my guy will be leaving for Afghanastan in January. That didn't make me happy. He has a chance to transfer to another unit that isn't deploying, but he couldn't and wouldn't do that to his boys. I wouldn't want him to either. These guys are kind of like our kids. We care about them as much as they care about us. I know they will take as much care of my guy as he will for them.

My boss Fred had the AUDACITY to raise his voice to me the second I walked in to work this morning! I told him to go to his cave and chill out before I beat the bejesus out of him with my stapler. Needless to say, he went to his office.

Not much else to report on today.

Peace and equality to all :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Today is a special day I'll never forget.

Seven years ago today, I was working at the hospital when the other nurses (I worked as an RN for 6 years) came hollaring. They said a plane had hit one of the Twin Towers. We watched nonstop. We saw when the second struck, and watched until they collapsed.

I have many opinions on what happened that day which I will NOT be talking about here ever. What does count today is the fact that over 3,000 people died that day. They died because some extremist group decided they wanted to fly some planes into the towers so they can go to Heaven with all their virgins.

My GI Joe is leaving next year for his FIFTH combat tour. This time he's going to Afghanastan. After meeting his troops and seeing the undying faith and affection they share I know that they will all protect each other. That gives me peace. So, I'll say this...

Greenlife Thursday yayyyy!

Today on my quest to qet healthier, Marj and I had our weekly lunch get together at Green life. I'll say it just once, it's an organic grocery store that also serves organic and healthy lunch. This is what I had:

Spinach salad with baby tomatoes, cucumbers, tuna, shredded parmasian cheese and some other stuff thrown on. I also had some of this:

Yumm, fruit salad (does anyone else remember the Wiggles singing this song?). For desert I had this:

Gelato: I've never had it before. The girl at the store said there is 90% less fat in gelato than in ice cream. I though I'd try some simple vanilla bean. It was good! I hope that b*tch didn't lie to me!

Anyway, I'm back at work *argh*! Drinking this:

Ha, I thought that was funny.

Btw, the BR ocd is getting worse. Now after I check the door a few (hundred) times, once I get to the toilet, I have to turn around and check it again. Someone had left a stray "hair" on the wall next to the toilet yesterday. Note: I'm drinking alot of water. I had to go to my doctors office (which is down the road and I've done this before) to go pee! I CAN NOT go in a bathroom when I feel it's not up to par. I'm a squatter, but what if that "hair" started to climb up the wall and jump on my arm? I'd DIE.RIGHT.THERE.

Sorry for the potty talk, but it's driving me CRAZY!

Sorry I didn't post for a week, sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything.

Love ya lots!


Just so you know, I hate excercising. I'm not one of those people who live for it. I've worked out three days in a row now. My brain hates it, but my body loves it. I always feel better after I get off that damn eliptical machine that tortures me. It's that love-hate relationship.

I started back because let's face it, I haven't been in a few days (months actually). I started putting on a few in the midsection especially. Now that I'm getting older that is where the fat seems to gravitate.

GI Joe and I are on a mission for fitness. We pack small meals for the next day at work. We're excercising and getting into a routine. Now I'm not in the house until about 6:45 and that sucks. But, I'm sure that being a good example for the little ones is a good thing.

Enough about that, I can't believe McCane and Palin gained points in the polls! Double ugh!

Peace out,

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Not politiks...

I may have to go to rehab. I've become addicted to the conventions and debates. Does anyone have some Valium I can take for McCanes' speech tonight? Seriously. You should have heard GI Joe and I last night. SCREAMING at the tv. I know that crazy lady can't hear me, but it made me feel better. Tonight...oy vey, thus the needing of Valium (lots of it preferably).

Anyway, I had an appointment with Em's teacher yesterday. She's in first grade. Apparently, Em is extremely smart (duh) and is the sweetest child (like I said) and never fights with anyone. Her teacher says she has an amazing imagination. I started to feel the dread. You know, the "she must be buttering me up for something" feeling. She then asked me if Em has problems with focusing on tasks at home. I no. Apparently, Em lacks focus when they are in groups for reading and phonics. She said "have you spoken to her pediatrician?". I replied, no. I then let her know that her kindergarten teacher never said anything about that. That's when she said those three letters that racked my brain: A.D.D.

I told her that I would do whatever I could to help, but I felt she is just very imaginative and I don't want her on medication. I don't feel it's a severe enough situation yet (if one at all in my expert opinion). Don't get me wrong. Em's teacher is great. She's been teaching first grade for 19years. She's very good. She agreed that Em probably doesn't need medication but she just wanted to bring the situation to my attention. She said that if Em is basically doing her work with no help from her right now (because she doesn't listen to her, she's too busy looking around the room), imagine what she could do if she would focus.

Ok, I get it. I really thought I was going to die. My Em is perfect in Laurels' wor(l)d. I think she's perfect.period.

Seriously, do you think that J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter if you've been living in a cave) was teased because of her imagination? I would bet she was. I see Em with that kind of hard core imagination. She can sit in her playroom alone for hours playing with anything. She has tea parties with her stuffed animals. She makes musical instruments. She makes entire "worlds" for her littlest pet shop friends. They all have names and personalities.

I know I'm rambling, you get the point.

To tie things up, you can see I'm a bit wound up about this. This, and the McCane speech tonight that is going to wind me up and make my head spin.

Peace out peeps,
Laurel :)

I threw up a little watching her speak last night.

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending … and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate, Obama does have a more meager record. But he has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation.

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded.
Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families.
He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

Also, the AP pointed out what some of her co-horts had to say and the facts that point out the truth.

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply … She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state — by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. … She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV. MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."

THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

Sorry for all the politico posts, I'm a bit obsessed at the moment.

Monday, September 1, 2008

It's Labor Day...

and I'm at work.

I'm going to rant about something really quick because I keep seeing this crazy persons pics everywhere. Sarah Palin: VP nominee for John McCane (I'm keeping it that way).

Alright, according to her and Johnny boy because I'm a woman and Hillary didn't make it in, I'm now supposed to vote for her. Set aside the fact that she is against everything I stand for (equality, woman's' rights, ending the war) I'm still apparently supposed to vote for her.

She stated that we (as women) still have a chance to make history. We should swing from supporting Obama because now we have a woman to vote for. Personally, I think Barack made a mistake with not bringing in Hillary. But, let's face it, in the world we live in now we have to find the lesser of evils. Most politicians are shady. We just have to find the one we have the most in common with and trust they won't f*#k it up too much.

I was inspired by Obama in his speech last Thursday. I felt a renewed sense of hope. Unrealistic? Maybe. But it is my right to live in that delusional world.

Rant over, continue on.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


I would like to dedicate this post to Marjorie. We like to go to this amaaaazing place called Green Life Grocery in downtown Chattanooga (or is it the waterfront?). Let's face it...I HATE beans. I don't like lima beans, garbonzo beans, plack eyed peas, pinto beans (basically NONE). I knew hummus was made out of beans, so I had already decided that hummus was going to be a no-no for me. Well Marj suggested I try some of it on my panini. BTW, Green Life is an all local organic grocery store that also sells food to eat there or carry away. Anyway, I tried it and I LOVE it! It's so yummy and good for you too! I bought some to take home with me today :)

On a side note, I like hummus because it is gas inducing. I can now pay back Fred :) (the boss)

On another side note, Mad is obsessessed with everything Bobby Jack. It's a clothing you can get at Sears (I think). Today she wore B.Jack underwear, pants, shirt, belt, and shoes. Everything BOBBY JACK.

Em refused to wear capris AGAIN today so she could wear some skorts. They have ruffles and they're "bootiful".

Peace out Peeps

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

some Chuck Norris FACTS

I realize I'm a total spazz. For Marjories' viewing pleasure, here are some FACTS about the one and only Chuck Norris.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

The Bathroom and other randomness.

Ok, my readers (Lula basically) knows that I work with ALL men (boys really). I do the accounting for a distribution company. So, I work with a bunch of truck drivers. Don't hate or be jealous of me, you can have my job if you want it. Anyway, we have ONE BATHROOM. Now don't get me wrong, I really like my job. It's low stress and I get to do what I wish. My boss loves to cuss people out and tell dirty jokes to people. My problem is I've now gotten bathroom ocd.

Last year, when I thought I'd locked the door, one of the guys walked in on me.on.the.toilet. Since, I triple and quadruple check the door. Once I think it's adequately locked, I check it again.

The bathroom and I have history. I think that the bathroom was getting back at me for something I had done a couple of weeks before. The lock on the door was getting stuck (never on me though). A few of the guys would struggle to get out of the bathroom (I know this because my old office was next to the bathroom...ugh). Anyway, one day our oldest guy was stuck in the bathroom. At first I was giggling (because I'm mean like that), but the guy started freaking out. Apparently he's claustrophobic. In that moment, I thought to myself "what would Chuck Norris do?". I decided to be a badass and kick in the door. I told him to step back, and I kicked it right next to the nob. Well, I got the door opened but I kind of splintered some wood.

So, today I'm premenstual and cranky. I just got back from the bathroom (to check out how bloated I am...very) and was thinking while I was checking the lock for the 5th time that I am nuts.

Shout out to my Aunt Laurel (yes geniuses I was named after her) who actually read my blog and emailed me that she liked it. My Aunt Laurel is cool like that.

I'm going to post a funny story because I can sympathize and apparently live in randomland.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal. The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Have the kleenex ready and maybe the Depends, you'll laugh that hard... Read on...... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe............ OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? > I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Monday, August 25, 2008

Still alive

I don't really turn on my computer on the weekends. Let me tell you why (because I know you're DYING to know).

I get home at 6pm or later each night. That doesn't leave me much time during the week to spend quality time with the family. So, on the weekends I try to spend as much time with them as possible. Mad and Em have become quite the little fishes and love to jump off the diving boards at the local pool. We usually meet my sis Heat and her son Brit.

They all make up their own dives. Em's favorites are the kitty cat, the puppy dog, and the model. Mad just likes to make as much of a splash as possible.

Sunday we spend most of the day cleaning. Because of paragraph two, sentance one, and we're gone all day on Saturday.

So, bear with me. I'm not feeling very inspired to write anything today. I'm in the middle of an audiobook and it's hard for me to concentrate. It's called "Absolute Fear" by Lisa Jackson. I'm not too sure about it yet. I don't know if it will end up good or not. I'll let you know :)

Peace out peeps

Friday, August 22, 2008

One more (maybe)

I have a large family here. I also have a large family in NC. I get along surprisingly well with my ex-husband. We decided to do what's best for the girls so we don't fight and we don't talk bad about the other (because that's just stoopid sh*t childish people do). I think we've managed to even become friends again. He's remarried and I'm about to, so we're both happy where things are at for each other.

But, I'm here to talk about the heart and soul of my family there. My (ex)mother-in-law. I hate calling her that just because everybody groans inwardly when they hear the m-i-l word. I just call her one of my best friends forever. She's spunky, sassy, and I decided a while back that I wanted to be more like that. Believe it or not, I used to be very timid and quiet (it's true and you can kiss my you know what if you disagree). She is the epitome of mother in that family. She can cook and clean like it's I swear she has more energy than even Marj.

After me and he split, she let me and my two girls invade her home for a whole year. I know it was hard at times, but she always makes me feel welcom. Even now that he has remarried, she still treats me exactly the same.

As I've mentioned, if it weren't for her generous contributions (basically all of it) to my childrens' wardrobe, Mad wouldn't be "cool". She'd have to wear the same outfit more than once in the course of two weeks. And, poor Em wouldn't be able to pick from her plethora of dresses and skirts. So needless to say, LOVE HER TOO.

So, sorry Lula, but I have no dirt for you in this post. I'll see if I can think of any "friends" dirt to share with you (I personally think you're the only one who reads this anyway).

BTW, I told my mom to read what I wrote about her yesterday.She informed me I wasn't supposed 2 tell people that she locks her keys in her car all the time. So, in her honor, here is something else she does: because she's so short (4'10") she has to have two pillows behind her on the couch. I'm not sure why, I think it makes her feel taller. LOVE YOU MOM

I have an insane neighbor that I love

My insane neighbor "Lula" (because that's a crazy name) just emailed me and told her that I needed more "dirt" on here. Well, I'm going to give her the dirt...on her hahahahahahahaha (the evil sounding laugh). I met Lula a few years back when Marjorie was living next to her. I instantly found her amusing. On one of my first encounters she was coming to Marjories' house to show her fake nipple rings (they were not attached). She was dating her ex-husband (who recently moved back in) and she talked LOUD.

Because I'm a bit on the loca side as well, I like her. Since I've moved in next door she's become one of my greatest friends. When I'm sick, she comes over and takes care of me (because I'm a big baby). When I get sunburnned (which is often because I'm stoopid) she rubs the aloe gel on my back. When I went on my first date with my GI Joe she watched my kids for me. Last Christmas we (me and Lula) went on our first date. We went to her Company party (she wasn't seeing her ex. now not.ex then) on the Southern Belle. It's a dinner cruise boat here in Chattanooga. She told me she likes ex - sex. Truth is, I don't think she ever got over her ex (I was right)(as always).

There is alot more juicy dirt, but I have to do some work because I've been here: all day. I swear reading blogs has become an addiction. I get sooooo bored at work that I can't stand it. And I have to do something or my brain takes over.

Well, I know I have Lula that reads my blog. Crazy follows Crazy.

Luv ya Lula <3

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My three girls

This is the youngest Em. In front of her dollhouse. Her eyes will melt your heart. I did mention how she is the sweetest.child.ever.

This is the middle MAD. She's sucked her thumb since she was in my tummy. I'm going to have bills out the butt for the dentist. But look at those eyes...and cheeks :)

This is the oldest Jes...celebrating her dad. She has frosting on her lips. Contrary to the pics, she DOESN"T like watermelon. See how they all resemble each other?
I love these girls. Oh.MY.GOD. Gi JOE and I are going to have ALOT of trouble on our hands!


Before I get serious about my book (I've been doing online research how to publish) I need to learn how to be grammarically (I think I made that up) correct. As most of you know I'm DYING to publish a sexy murder/mystery/thriller book. I read all the time and listen to books at work (to keep my mind off work).

Anyway, after reviewing my writing I seem to veer in all sorts of directions. Problem is, I write how I think, which is all over the place. Apparently to be a popular novelist you shouldn't lose people by hopping subject to subject. I also make up words and like to blend.them.together. I don't know why.

Anyway, today was picture day at school. They made it extra "exciting" this year by letting us pick out the background color. You have read what my kids are like right? Mad wanted green. Em wanted purple. You think no big deal right? WRONG! We had to color coordinate the clothes with the background. OY VAY! So, how long did it take? 45 MINUTES!!!!! To pick out two outfits for two beautiful little girls who have tooooo much clothes thanks to grandma (not being sarcastic, I really appreciate it since MAD can't wear the same outfit twice in TWO WEEKS).

Anyway, it's 4:45pm here. I guess I'm supposed to be working. Or I could play solitaire!

C-Ya L8r

Some known facts about me...

Ok, I admit I have a few mental issues when it comes to certain things. For example: I can't be around ANYONE who chews with their mouths open, smacks, talks with food in their mouth, or breaths loudly while eating without having a major PANIC ATTACK.

From What I understand, I've been like that since childhood. My loving mom tells me that I used to yell at my sisters "QUIT SMACKING!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Since then I've adopted some other things that make me cuss (if the kids aren't in the immediate vacinity), sweat, and make my heart feel like its going to EXPLODE.

Let's talk about that 98yr old person driving that you get behind EVERY.DAY. You know, the one with the huge cadillac so you can't see around it? The one who swerves in the other lane randomly scaring the bejesus out of others??? The one who goes 25 miles an hour (not kidding) in a 45 MPH zone?????????????????????? *Deep Breath* *Again* Okay.

I understand that they need to get around too, but that is what we children are for right? My mom has developed this habit of locking her keys in her car lately. Does she call the insurance provider? No, she calls me at work. Do I mind? Never. Because my mom is nutty like that and it is one of the many things we share. Last week she locked them in her car at her office. So I leave work and go to her house to get her spare, I then bring the spare to my mom. What does she walk out of the office with? A cocunut cream pie. That's why she locked her keys in the car (she put the keys on the seat to get the pie). She comes out smiling ear to ear and says would you like the rest of this pie? I think to myself she's buying me off with pie! Love her.

That's kinda like my meditation I guess to calm down (that's me speaking in the Yoda language). I find myself driving home one second cussing some other driver (quietly as I do not want to get shot) and the next laughing because I'm thinking of something funny my family did/said. I guess having split/multiple personalities does have some advantages.

TTFN Peace out

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Just because...

I'm going to talk about one of my sisters' because she just emailed me and told me to be nice if I do. I guess she doesn't know what the comment button is for. Well, we will call her...Marjorie hahahahahaha. Marj is 19 months younger than I am. Marj is in most ways the polar opposite of me. She's skinny, outgoing, she.never.slows.down. Watching her makes me tired sometimes. So, what's something funny I can share about ol' Marj...

When Marj and I were growing up we were a bit of trouble makers when on a crucade against people who were mean to one of us (all the sisters). Marj had a classmate that neither of us liked. She would go around saying she was Anna Nicole Smiths' cousin and had slept with Jean Claud Van Damnthat name is long. She also told untrue stories about my Marj. One night Marj, our friend Jen, and I decided to have some fun with her. We named ourselves Bonnie, Bonnie, and Bonnie (there was no Clyde to accompany us).

About midnight we packed up a few rolls of toilet paper, some bologna, and eggs. Mind you I was 17 she was 15 so we knew it was wrong, just thought it was too funny to not do it. We drove over and first toilet papered the house, then put bologna on a car and finished it off with throwing eggs at the house and running as fast as we could to the getaway car.

The girl suspected us but could never prove it. Bonnie, Bonnie, and Bonnie had luck.

All that being said, now as an almost 30 year old adult, I don't regret it. I still know it was wrong, but when I think about it all I hear is Marj and me laughing so hard I thought we'd pee all over ourselves.

I'll teach my kids to do better and not to do those kinds of things...because I'm responsible now LOL.

Marjorie is her middle name and she hates it. That's why I'll be calling her that from here on out.

XOXO to you Marj

This is what having girls do to you.

Ok, as I mentioned I have 3 beautiful girls. Two biologically mine, one is emotionally mine to claim :)

Jes is my handsome boyfriends' daughter who ironically looks like my other two so when I'm out with them all I look like the crazy lady who just had three girls back to back. Anyhoo, Jes turned 8 in January. She is one of the smartest kids EVER. Swear it. If my computer was to go down, she'd probably be the one to call rather than the cable company. She also has freckles like me. LOVE her. Unfortunately she only gets to come over every other weekend throughout the school year. We had her alot over the summer though :)

Mad is next. She will be 8 in October. Mad is the biggest diva to walk the face of this earth. Example: I laid my younger two girls clothes out. Mad took a look and looked at me like I was INSANE. I asked her what I did wrong. She said, "but mom I wore that the first day of school"! I simply asked, but that was 12 days ago honey. Her eyes bugged out even more! She exclaimed, "I can't wear the same outfit twice in two weeks, that's not COOL"! Remember, she is seven and told me when she was five that the diva colors are: Brown, Teal, Pink, Purple, and black. Also very smart, been top in her class since kindergarden every year.

Em is next. She just turned 6 in July. Can I just say Em is the coolest most laid back kid EVER. She loves to give hugs and share (most of the time). Em is an AVID collector of the amazing "littlest pet shop" creatures. I swear she has 100 of them and four of their houses. She has 3 of the ones that you can play with online, and so much other lps crap I can't even remember them all. Anyway, Em has recently caught Mads' fashion bug. She wants to wear dresses or skirts EVERYDAY. She cracks me up. I'm very lucky to have their grandmother that buys them so much clothes or I'd be up a creek without a paddle.

GI Joe is next. That's my dear boyfriend / fiance' who moved in with me in January. It's been a transition for both of us being independent for so long, but I'll admit it, I like having him around. He has three personalities. The first being military mode. That's when he is serious, stubborn, and gets things done. The second is daddy mode. I've had rare occasion to see a man who treats his kids so good. He is stern when he has to be, but in truth, all those blue eyes usually melt him and he is fussing at me for being too hard. When Mad was doing homework last week and I was trying to show her a math trick she got upset because she was having a hard time getting it (perfectionist). GI JOE told me to back off he didn't like seeing her cry. So here he comes to her rescue pretending he didn't know how to do second grade math to make her laugh and feel better. The third is silly mode. I recently met a bunch of his military buddies and spent the night near their base. I'll just say this. If you dare to do something...They're GOING to do it. By the end of the night, my GI JOE was naked in the hotel pool (he did have his military helmet on though) and his friend was walking around the hotel in what I call man panties and a sarong.

Tomorrow I'll start on my family. I have a large one. Four sisters, two brothers, three nephews, and two nieces. I have the parents as well, and best friends that are like family.

As my first post, I don't know exactly what I'm going to do with this. We'll see :)

Peace out peeps